you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
