The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
