Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
wow bdsm is so cute
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
