Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
