i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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