I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my shit smells like andre
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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