I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
