omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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