I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
