and my herpes radar will keep us safe
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
