I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
