When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
