Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
