the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
