how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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