Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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