Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize