so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
