Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
our cab driver is having phone sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
