We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
