Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
