@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
