I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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