You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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