Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
