I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
