You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
