dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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