my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
