Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
