if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
too bad you live with your parents still
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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