there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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