just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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