Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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