The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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