She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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