I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize