I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize