if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
