i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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