I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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