there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
