Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
