Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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