College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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