Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
