I wish you could order shots online.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
