There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we're so committed to being not committed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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