I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think people are normalizing furries
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
