Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
