apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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