Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
