Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize