oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
