Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
