adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize