At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
