My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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