Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
