Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
