True but thats because hes a fetus.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
