Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
