He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
