DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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