She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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