Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
