Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
