she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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