i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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