I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
