Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
