Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize