Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't turn off my feet"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize