I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
