Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
