No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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