just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
